Thursday, January 20, 2011

Your day in a nutshell: Read the experiance before you do it yourself

Men, don't you just love the feel of wood under your back as you wake up in the morning. Or perhaps a straw stuffed lumpy mattress. Both sleeping apparatus and both completely comfortable-- you wouldn't have it any other way. But be happy, smell that not quite appetizing scent? Choked by smoke yet? Have you felt the heat of the fire only a few feet away from you yet? Be happy for your woman has woken up before you to prepare what she believes is, and what you'll pretend to be, a delicious breakfast. All you have to worry about now is whether or not she'll give it to you in bed... No. No she wont. And out you get.

Women, don't you just love to watch your man sleep for the extra little while as you cook up a mean porridge that no man can resist? Oh dear, looks like you woke him up with the not so graceful clanging of the cooking cauldron. Here he comes. After exchanging a morning breath greeting, he will sit on the stool in front of the table, ready to chow down on your trademark breakfast. You'll join him. And after listening to some grunted noises from his manly lips, you'll both be done.

Today, however, is not like any other day. It's springtime, and the men will be going out on their voyages while the women stay home. Women, this sums up your next couple months: Cleaning, cooking, sewing, farming, milking and taking care of the kids. Terribly enthralling, actually. Enjoy it.

You men will leave your Viking women and head out to the long ships. All aboard! Now the real fun begins. Sail from village to village and ransack to your hearts content. Gather as much loot as you can to bring back to the ship. Slaughter those in your way, nobody pays much mind. And the women? Well, they just happen to be your prize in the end, don't they. You needn't worry. Enjoy yourself, we'll make sure the wife doesn't hear a thing about it. When it seems like there is nothing else you can possibly take and all treasures of riches and land alike, you'll find that the months have passed and it's about time to head back home. Try not to cringe to much at the thought of returning after such an advantageous way of living.

The return is nicer than you expected. Your woman is happy to see you, and has even cooked up a slab of beef from the finest cow on the farm. A delectable change of taste that waters your tongue. It's a grand feast really, and at the rate things are going, it is pretty well guaranteed there are more treats to come for you later in the night--- but we'll leave that bit of information for you to discover yourself.

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